ALONE AGAIN (NATURALLY)

Seasons of aloneness are natural.

Those who live alone or feel alone, experience loneliness more intensely during the holiday season. 

Everyone seems so busy, seems to have a partner and seems oblivious to your pain.  You want to be happy for them all but there is a emptiness. Let’s explore these lonely feelings that just kind of sneak up on us. We need to get into the right mindset now, so we are not taken unawares.

1.     Loneliness is not synonymous with being alone, nor does being with others protect us from feelings of loneliness.
Who of you have felt lonely in a crowd or even in a marriage?

2.     Loneliness, according to many experts, is not necessarily about being alone. Instead, it is the perception of being alone and isolated that matters most. That is why it is more difficult during the holiday season as we look to the past forgetting to live in peace in the present. 

3.     Learning to be alone with oneself is an art. If you feel you must have people around all the time, this need may be controlling you.
Solitude is essential. Loneliness is equal to unwilling solitude.

4.     The effects of loneliness and the fear of being alone can lead to anxiety, panic attacks, phobias, depression, suicide, drug addiction, alcohol addiction, and acute or chronic illness.

 "We are meant to be in relationships with other people, but just as surely, we are meant to partake of aloneness. To deny this part of our existence is a little like trying to walk the earth on one foot instead of two" - Florence Falk.

We can learn to be alone and content. Thinking about the messages you give yourself while you are alone, is a worthwhile project. Are you calling yourself a loser or are you telling yourself this is a special gift of love for you? How we view it, is what makes us feel good or bad about ourselves.

People don’t like to talk about being alone. We avoid the conversation as if aloneness was vaguely shameful and with any luck a temporary state of affairs before we can be absorbed into relationships again.

Rather than applaud other people for their ability to be alone, we feel sorry for them. We assure them that, sooner or later, relationships will come. It is time for us to be counter-cultural and enjoy our own company; there is nothing more freeing and empowering.

The inner portrait of each person and their own creative spark and aliveness is often found in solitude

 ~ K Mc Bride PhD

 

 

Try this plan of action for this holiday season:

1.     Create new traditions. Trying to get through old traditions is extremely painful.

2.     Decline invitations that make you uncomfortable. It’s okay to say ‘No”.

3.     If there’s a chance you’ll have fun, go to the party. You deserve fun!

4.     Relish your singlehood. Rely on other single friends for activity ideas.

5.     Decide how you’ll answer tough questions at gatherings. Write them down and keep them with you as a reminder.

6.     Take the money you would’ve used on a gift for a partner and pamper yourself; you’re worth it. We don’t think of this but on Christmas day have that special something to open; spray on that new cologne or put on those new shoes and feel great!

7.     If you feel ready; try to become involved in a community project.

May the God of all peace be with you throughout the holidays.