HEALING BEGINS WHEN WE IDENTIFY THE LIE

How long will it take me to heal from this? When will I be able to move on? Why does it hurt so much?

These are questions we have all asked when we are going through difficulties in life.  I have taught Recovery Courses that love to give formulae for these questions e.g. Divorce Recovery -when can I start another serious relationship? Answer: Number of years married divided by 4. One can already ascertain that there are going to be various problems with that formula!

So where to start in answering these questions?

Let's begin with a definition of healing:

The Merriam-Webster dictionary gives the following definitions of healing:

1. to make sound or whole

2. to restore to health

3. to cause (an undesirable condition) to be overcome

4. to restore to original purity or integrity

5. to return to a sound state

If we appreciate that “Regardless of whether our focus in healing is on the physical, mental, emotional or spiritual level, all levels are invariably touched by the process and none can be separated out from the rest.”(Mary Maddux) 

It follows that our definition above incorporates all dimensions and circumstances where healing is necessary.

I believe our major roadblock to healing is in not identifying the 'underlying lie' that we have absorbed and assimilated into our very beings. By identifying it we will uncover that unique pathway to our healing.

What stops us from identifying the lie?

1. Fear : If we don't want to deal with something; somewhere there is some fear involved.  It's going to hurt and we hate pain and will protect ourselves from it.

2. Embarrassment : Embarrassment is another painful but important emotion. It makes us feel bad about our mistakes so that we don't repeat them. One of its side effects is blushing which signals to others that we recognise our error and are not cold-hearted or oblivious. Shame, a related emotion, can be felt even when no one knows about our situation.

We recognise that if we are to uncover the lie, we will not only be exposing the person who has wronged us but in some way we too will be exposed! So often this is enough to stop our exploration of our situation and pain. 

For our own benefit it is imperative that we explore and expose 'the lie'. We have no need to even share this with anyone but we have a deep need to acknowledge it...you will be amazed how from that point on, healing will begin to take place.

A Case Study

While going through a divorce, Marcelle was ambushed by grief and her emotions were a tangled ball. When she walked into a Divorce Recovery Group, she felt as if she was wearing a 'Capital D' on her forehead. As her group shared their stories, she became bold and shared hers too.  As the weeks passed, the process of sharing enabled an unraveling of those tangled emotions and as she held those emotions in her hands, she began to understand deeper things. She realised that she was not alone in her pain but others were hurting too.  There were those who just 'injected Novocaine' into their wounds and started new relationships and never returned but many wanted to get to the very root of their difficulties so that they would gain understanding of who they really were and what had brought them to this point.

For Marcelle, it was the realisation that she believed 'the lie' that she was worthless, she had come to believe that her position in this life was as an appendage to another person.  Her husband had told her this directly and indirectly so many times that she now believed it and lived her life accordingly. In uncovering 'the lie' she began to explore who she was before she was married and who she is today. She studied further and rebuilt her life. 
(Marcelle is a fictitious name) 

Digging out 'the lie' becomes the pivotal point in time when change can occur.

Are you struggling with something and have been for years and years? Explore your inner world to ascertain 'the lie', pray and ask God to reveal it. Find a Counsellor who will help you uncover it as you explore your emotions.

My wish for us all is that we are made whole that we can reach a place of restoration by overcoming our difficulties so that we can be the best that we can be.