COMPASSIONATE OR CODEPENDENT?

Am I compassionate or codependent?

Codependency is a form of addiction – relationship addiction. It makes you feel as if you have a hangover at times.

 “I'm not coping, if I can just get time alone, just to be alone and rest!"

Most addictions leave you with hangovers and like other hangovers you will begin to experience a deterioration in emotional and physical health. 

Compassion, on the other hand, promotes general health and well-being. In fact, recent studies show that compassion makes us feel good in a variety of ways. It activates pleasure brain circuits, secretes the “bonding” hormone oxytocin, slows down our heart rate, makes us more resilient to stress and boosts our immune system.

What a light bulb moment when we can clarify our relationships in this way. I have found that the 'unknown' only adds to my stress and worry. 

A friend told me this, "The distinction between compassion and codependency isn’t always so clear cut. I think there are many moments that I am acting with both: my intention to help often projects more in a need of my own or a good deed may become less about empathising and more about fulfilling  a 'people-pleasing' void."

For those of us who have suffered this 'addiction' in the past, it is good to note that we are a 'work in progress' - awareness of our actions is key to moving toward a life of compassion and not codependency.

Deep inside it is a compassionate heart that predisposes us to this danger; it is the fuel that may light the flame of codependency. Intention and motive are key to keeping ourselves in check. 

When we take into account that most communication is nonverbal (some say 85%!), we begin to understand that nonverbal behaviour is the most crucial aspect of communication. There are all types of signals flashing between people all the time. We are sending out our 'heart's cries and desires' without a word leaving our lips.

This is why we must be diligent and guard our hearts. King Solomon said it best: “Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life” (Proverbs 4:23).

This is necessary for at least three reasons:

1. Your heart is extremely valuable. We don’t guard worthless things.

2. Your heart is the source of everything you do. It is the source of everything else in your life. Your heart overflows into thoughts, words and actions.

3. Your heart is under constant attack. There are predatory individuals out there and we need to up our awareness of the damage they can cause in our lives!

Codependency is slavery.

Compassion is freedom.

Choose freedom.