DRAMATIC-ERRATIC PERSONALITY

Information is necessary if we wish to understand certain dynamics in our relationships or we will never see the arrows coming until we are already bleeding.

Where most of us have a heart, ‘Dramatic-Erratic’ personalities have a frozen chicken nugget rarely thawing out since their blood runs colder than Sub-Zero. 

They know the morally correct thing to do and they understand social rules, but they don’t feel the unbearable pain of remorse for their selfish ways.

It is helpful to remember that they, being a spouse, parent, sibling, boss, or friend, all are faced with three central concerns:

1. What they feel people did to them that was unnecessarily mean, hurtful, and thoughtless.

2. What they believe other people did not do for them that they feel they should have done.

3. A time when they feel that someone in their life has not done enough for them.

There is no way for anyone else to satisfy their needs because their discomfort comes from the inside. No matter what you do, it will never be enough. They are out of touch with the reality of their being i.e. their body and its feelings.

“Typically, when told they've hurt your feelings, their denial takes the form of insisting you're not hurt, or that you shouldn't be hurt, that you're wrong to be hurt, that they didn't hurt you, that you're too easily hurt and that you shouldn't complain because they're hurt worse.”

 

 

They are initially liked by people but it soon wears off with repeated interaction (Paulhus 1998), this is due to their significant low levels of empathy. In a study conducted by Hart & Hepper, University of Southampton School of Psychology (2013), the findings showed:

1.    They lack aspects of empathy; they are low in emotional concern and warmth, low in personal distress and perspective-taking i.e. they do not grasp the extent of another’s distress and pain. (Part of the study was to allow candidates to watch a disturbing DVD on domestic violence, there was still no change in the above results.)

2.    There seemed to be a window of opportunity as a result of the study; if they can be motivated to see another’s perspective, it may improve their level of empathic response. The question is : how do we motivate this?

Simon Baron-Cohen also agrees on two stages of empathy:

Empathy is our ability to identify what someone else is thinking or feeling, and to respond to their thoughts and feelings with an appropriate emotion.
 

•       Recognition
•         Response

To recognise the motivation of another’s perspective, and respond appropriately.

Lowen states that ‘Dramatic-Erratics’ deny their own feelings and able to deny that other people feel anything. This would explain much of their behaviour e.g. employers who drive their employees ruthlessly, creating a reign of terror by their indifference to human emotional response.These tyrants see themselves as generals in a war in which business success spells victory.Their employees are therefore subordinates who are expendable in the war.

Behavioural repertoire:

§  Denial of their own feelings

§  Creating an image of power

§  Their goal is winning at all costs

Be vigilant! If you have fought to free yourself from just such a relationship, beware 'hoovering' i.e. being sucked back into the relationship when the perpetrator temporary exhibits improved or desirable behaviour. It is so easy to let down your defences and the cycle of abuse begins once more.