VICTIM TO VICTOR

You are so good at playing the Victim that you should walk around with your own body chalk! A joke but so true of some!

- Victims refuse to take responsibility, someone else must take care of things.

- Victims show only self-pity, everything else becomes an external influence.

“Self-pity is easily the most destructive of the non-pharmaceutical narcotics; it is addictive, gives momentary pleasure and separates the victim from reality.”

John W. Gardner

“If it’s never our fault, we can’t take responsibility for it. If we can’t take responsibility for it, we’ll always be its victim.”

Richard Bach

How do we break out of a Victim Mentality? Hendrik Edberg gives us some pointers.

In victim mode, we feel sorry for ourselves; the world seems to be against us and we get stuck. Little to no action is taken and we get lost in a funk of sadness.

So how can we move out of that mindset? ........the answer: Awareness of what "being the victim" is all about!

1. There are benefits in being a Victim!

a) Attention and validation. You can always get good feelings from other people as they are concerned about you and try to help you out. 

b) You don’t have to take risks. When you feel like a victim you tend to not take action and then you don’t have to risk therefore there is no rejection and no failure.

c) You don't have to take responsibility. Taking responsibility for your own life can be hard work, you have to make difficult decisions and it can become burdensome.

d) It makes you feel right. You are right in your own eyes and that can lead to pleasurable feelings. We all love to be RIGHT:)

We need to say, "NO" to these benefits and choose a different path; there will be a better outcome if we make a better choice and move forward.

2. New behaviour is needed and can be scary!

To break out of that mentality you have to give up the benefits above. You might also experience a sort of emptiness within when you let go of victim thinking. You may have spent hours each week thinking and talking about how wrong things have gone for you in life, or how people have wronged you and how you could get some revenge or triumph over them.

Now you have to fill your life with new thinking that may feel uncomfortable because it is not so intimately familiar.

3. The Responsibility is yours.

Instead of blaming someone else for the bad things that happen, take responsibility. Victim mentality damages relationships, ambitions and achievements.

Stop relying on external validation like praise from other people to feel good about yourself. Instead  start building a stability within and a sort of inner spring that fuels your life with positive emotions no matter what other people say or do around you.

4. Being grateful gives new perspective.

When I feel that I am putting myself in victim role I like to ask myself this question:

"Is there someone suffering more than me?"

We begin to understand that we have much to be grateful for in our lives.This question changes our perspective from a narrow, self-centred one into a much wider one. It helps us to lighten up about our situation.

After we have changed our perspective we need to ask another question:

“What is the hidden opportunity within this situation?”

That is very helpful to keep your focus on how to solve a problem or get something good out a current situation. Rather than asking yourself “why?” over and over and thereby focusing on making yourself feel worse and worse.

5. Forgiveness brings freedom.

It’s easy to get wrapped up in thinking that forgiveness is just about something you “should do” but forgiveness is necessary so that your attitude can change. Forgiveness is not forgetting and it is costly to you as you need to let go of feelings of revenge and unfairness.

Remember true reconciliation can only take place if the language of forgiveness is heard. Not just "I'm sorry" but "what I did was wrong, will you forgive me?"

6. Refocus, it's not all about me!

The way you behave and think towards others seems to have a big effect on how you behave towards yourself and think about yourself. Help and serve someone else, it will remove the focus from "me" to "they" :)

Don't be a victim of your circumstances!

XXxxxx Margs