DRAMATIC AND ERRATIC Part 1

- TOOLS OF THE TRADE

'Dramatic-Erratic' people live amongst us; we all know someone who fits the profile. What tools do they use? Let’s take a look so that we are equipped for our journey with them.

TOOL 1

Lack of Empathy

In 2008 Barack Obama received a letter from an 8 year old girl on the importance of recycling and banning wars; he thanked her and offered some advice of his own in reply: “If you don’t already know what it means, I want you to look up the word ‘empathy’ in the dictionary. I believe we don’t have enough empathy in our world today, and it is up to your generation to change that.” 

The word “empathy”—a rendering of the German Einfühlung, “feeling into”—is only a century old, but people have been interested for a long time in the moral implications of feeling our way into the lives of others. Albert Adler states that empathy is seeing with the eyes of another, listening with the ears of another, and feeling with the heart of another.

If we begin with the acknowledgement that a person reveals who they are through their personality; this is directly related to a person's perception of reality and how they fit into it. We can follow a person's basest insights acknowledging them to be their personal values, which are the foundation of their behaviour and thinking.

A person's core coping skills is related to how they cope with Honesty, Justice and Empathy.(Anthony)

The ‘dramatic-erratic’ among us lack empathy. They simply do not care about thoughts and feelings that conflict with their own. We, therefore, cannot expect them to listen, validate, understand, or support us. Their behaviour feels more like a game of tug of war.

TOOL 2

Lying

Pathological lying refers to the ‘dramatic-erratic’ who lie constantly to get their way and do so with little concern, regard or respect for the feelings and rights of others. Pathological liars are often goal-oriented as long as they get their own way. They present as manipulative, cunning and egotistical.

A pathological liar might exhibit the following behaviours:

• Lie to control and get their own way
• Change stories often
• Exaggerate, lying about almost everything, but tell the truth about major things
• Not value truth
• Live in their own reality most of the time
• Behave defensively when questioned or challenged
• Lie to gain sympathy
• Don’t admit they lie
• Contradict what they say because they don’t remember their lies

The ‘dramatic-erratic’ lie to manipulate and exploit, they lie to others and themselves because they do not understand the truth.

TOOL 3

Manipulation/Exploitation

Clay Watkins states that secrecy is what gives manipulators their power. When we recognize and label how someone is manipulating us, we empower ourselves. We strip the manipulator of his or her power over us. 

We can counter with our very own Power Tools:

1.    JADE - Don’t Justify, Argue, Defend & Explain. We must stop circular conversations (Arguments which go on almost endlessly, repeating the same patterns with no resolution).

2.    The 50% Rule - The 50% Rule says that we are responsible for 50% of the things that happen in any relationship. Be aware of your responses. Speak the truth in love.

3.    Rescuer Syndrome - Be aware of Rescuer Syndrome. Don’t assume that your strength, skill and knowledge are adequate to compensate for another’s poor or bad behaviour.

outofthefog.net/

 

 

May our relationships flourish as we continue to instil clear boundaries so that we can live life abundantly!