Psychedelic Psychology: SAY NO!

'No' uttered from the deepest conviction is better than a 'Yes' merely uttered to please, or worse, to avoid trouble.
Mahatma Gandhi

We know we should, we want to, but something holds us back...........Uumm okay, yes!
Now we know we are in trouble because we have overcommitted ourselves, we are going to have to juggle our schedule......all because we could not say, "No."

Why do we do this? What are some reasons we struggle to say no?
Could it be fear?

1. Fear of conflict
2. Fear of missed or lost opportunities
3. Fear that the person asking may feel rejected

When you are motivated by kindness, you are liable to be abused by people and their circumstances more than others. People will play on your good heartedness but eventually saying "no" is your only option and your only way to stop this abuse.

CNN.com gives a great example:

Request: A friend in need asks for a money loan.

What you should say: "I wish I could, but as a rule, I don't lend money to friends."

Why it works: It's clear that you are not singling out this person as untrustworthy.

Why you shouldn't feel guilty: Lending any amount of money can cause problems, says communications trainer Don Gabor. "It can change the nature of your relationship if the person doesn't pay you back."

How to avoid the situation in the future: Never lend money to friends and you won't get a reputation as a walking, breathing ATM.

My own guide: If I feel I can or want to help; I give not as a loan but as a gift.

How do we take steps to protect ourselves?

Firstly, we must know what is important to us and what is not? Does the request align with our value system? Is this request a priority for us? Is there something else we have committed to?

Secondly, we need to understand that we are not rejecting the person, only the request. It is important to make this clear to the person; we value them but we cannot fulfil the request.

Grossman states that if you continue to feel responsible for how others react to your ‘no,’ you are agreeing to be a part of an unhealthy relationship that is based in distorted concepts of responsibility. Your only hope for a healthy relationship is to continue to work toward breaking your own patterns of unhealthy responsibility.

NO is your protection.

It does not need explanation. Let your yes be YES and your no, NO.

NO does not always make you popular. People are not used to absolutes.
NO makes dominant and controlling people angry, they may react with self-pity.
NO is not mean.
NO is the path to Stress relief. We are doomed to be overcommitted if we can't say no.
NO leads to longer term success.

No is a wonderful word and we need to learn to say it and not feel guilty. Often it is hard to say no but when you've done it you feel like a Giant - Liardon

Notes to Self:
A. Some people don't give up easily, nor should you... stick to your decision. It takes courage. ~ Peter Bregman

B. Tone is the hardest part of saying no, be gentle but firm.

C. Silence says yes to people.

D. If you do not say no to yourself, you won't have the strength to say no to others in circumstances that call for it.