NARCISSISM - O WHAT A TANGLED WEB..........!

Recent research shows an alarming increase (50 %) in Narcissism in our world today, especially in American Society. ~Twenge & Campbell 

South Africans are close followers of American Culture and therefore there is an awareness that this danger may engulf our society too. 

The causes according to Twenge & Campbell are: 

1. Focus on self-admiration

2. Child-centred parenting – if we raise little kings and queens we raise children who are weakened through indulgence, with deflated motivation and diminishing feelings of success (Dr Stephan Cowan)

3. Celebrity glorification

4. Media encouragement - attention seeking through the Internet

5. Easy credit - promoting instant gratification

 

There is a belief out there that success is automatic; one day I will wake up, get that big break and wow! Success.  This belief is encouraged by the media, celebrities and bankers. 

Narcissism is a great predictor of imaginary success – but not of actual success. (Twenge & Campbell) It takes HARD WORK and RESPONSIBILITY to attain actual success.

Looking at our world through Narcissistic eyes, our Top 3 Priorities should be:

-celebrity status

-good looks

-wealth

If these are your top 3, ask yourself if you are not being caught up in this new “societal whirlwind”?  Self-esteem follows success, not the other way around. Self-esteem is based on success; this is true in all areas of life, be it career or relationships. 

There is concern regarding the increase in narcissistic behaviour and we should question our indulgences as they limit our freedom by inflating a sense of entitlement and reducing the patience needed to work through obstacles.  ~ Edward Deci

Indulgence leads to small-minded thinking.

If we cannot stem this tide of Narcissism, what does the future hold? 

1) Narcissists are great con-artists as they succeed in even deluding themselves! Even professionals struggle to help them. 

2) Narcissists believe they come first and expect nothing less than perfection from their relationships. You are in relationship with them because you fit the image they desire at that time and must maintain it if you are going to be part of their lives. 

Narcissists have very strict rules for others and none at all for themselves. In fact they break all the rules and create new ones that are often immoral, unethical and illegal whenever it suits them. - Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.

3) Narcissists may sometimes feel bad, but cannot empathise. They feel victimised; they project all negative feeling onto their significant others. 

They are the axis around which their family pivots. 

When a relationship ends, Narcissists will feel “sorry for themselves” because their Narcissistic supply (attention and admiration they desire) has gone. They don’t look back and don’t feel sorry for others.They are the predators and move on to fill their Narcissistic supply elsewhere. (Based on Narcissism Revisited: Sam Vaknin)

3) By endeavouring to relate to a Narcissist emotionally, you will always contend with rage, rejection, intellectualising, and alienation. A Narcissist shifts constantly between ignoring and caring, abandoning and clinging, viciousness and remorse. They keep others in emotional insecurity, fear, stress and anxiety.

There are essential developmental goals: 

a) Develop relationships

b) Grow as a person

c) Make a contribution to your community

 (Deci).

An attitude of Gratitude needs to overcome this new wave of Entitlement.

“Gratitude is the opposite of entitlement: you think about what you already have, instead of what you deserve to have but don’t.”

Give thanks with a grateful heart.

"O Lord, that lends me life, Lend me a heart replete with thankfulness!”-

William Shakespeare (King Henry VI, Part II. Act I, scene i)